I'm Not Sorry
by lunarmoth131
Summary: Abby shares a secret with Director Shepard. Gabby.
1. Chapter 1

Title: I'm Not Sorry

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :) Here's an example.

Director Jenny Shepard of NCIS strode purposefully into her office, early as usual. Therefore, she was surprised to see a visitor already waiting – one Abigail Sciuto, forensic scientist. She was slumped in a chair, head in her hands, dressed in blue jeans and a nondescript T-shirt.

"Abby?"

When she raised her head Jenny saw that she wore no makeup, her hair was down, and her eyes were bloodshot and distant.

Something was definitely wrong with Abby.

"Come in," said Jenny, opening the door to the inner office.

Abby followed, and stood in front of the desk wringing her hands, her face pale. "Director, I – " She rushed to the nearest wastebasket and vomited, or rather gagged as there didn't seem to be much left in her stomach. It was obvious it wasn't the first time that day.

Abby wiped her mouth with a tissue. "I'm sorry, Director –"

"It's okay, Abby. Sit down." Jenny eyed the younger woman intently. "Morning sickness?"

Abby's startled expression was enough to confirm it, but was followed by a faint "yes."

She looked down and folded her hands, hunching her shoulders.

Jenny stood and sat beside Abby, putting an arm protectively around her shoulders. "You're unhappy. What's wrong?"

When there was no answer, she added, "If you don't want the baby, you can ter- "

"No!" Abby's eyes ran liquid as she turned to face Jen. "No, I want this baby very, very much." She hugged her knees to her chest, tears running silently down her cheeks.

"Then what is it?" Jenny asked, gently wiping away the tears. An idea struck her. "Who is the father?"

That produced a torrent of words. "He didn't mean anything by it. He made me – I mean, I wanted to, but I said 'no' because I knew there would be problems – but he was drunk, and it wasn't his fault, but he made me, and I don't think he even remembers, and –"

Jen shushed her with a finger on her lips. It had been difficult to understand most of Abby's babbling, but Jenny had heard the crucial phrase "he made me" quite clearly. "Are you saying you were raped?"

"No!" Abby's voice was full of anguish. "No, Director, I wasn't raped, he could never do that to anyone. It wasn't his fault, he was drunk and he couldn't help it –"

"If you said 'no' and he did it anyway, that's rape. Who was it, Abby?" Jenny's voice had grown steely as anger formed in her gut. Abby was obviously trying to protect someone who had hurt her, but why?

'Oh, God.' Jen realized there was just one person who had Abby's unquestioning loyalty.

"Tell me exactly what happened." She very carefully kept her voice even and devoid of emotion.

Abby laid her forehead on her knees; her voice was muffled but Jen could understand her. "I go to his house sometimes, you know? Just to talk. And one night about two months ago we were working on the boat – " Jenny shuddered slightly at the words which confirmed her suspicions, " – and he was drinking more than usual. Something had upset him but when I asked about it he wouldn't talk. Instead, he kissed me. It was wonderful at first…" Abby's voice faded for a moment as she remembered. "We made out for awhile, but then it was going too far, and you know, Rule 12 is there for a reason – I told him 'no' three times, and I was very firm, even though inside I was screaming 'yes'…" Abby was sobbing by this time, and Jenny let her cry for a few minutes, patting her back and whispering consoling words in her ear.

When the sobs were replaced by sniffles, Jenny asked, "Did he know who you were, Abby? Did he say your name or did he say 'Shannon'?"

"He said my name both times."

"It happened twice?"

"Yes – after the first time, he fell asleep on top of me. I tried to get up but – "

Jenny felt a mixture of anger and compassion boiling in her gut. For a long moment she was unable to speak for the emotions choking her. Finally she said, "What happened the next time you saw him?"

"Everything was the same as before." Abby shifted uncomfortably. "Director, I – "

Jenny grabbed the wastebasket just in time. Her mind was racing, trying to decide how she, as the objective NCIS director, should handle this situation. "How long have you known that you're pregnant?"

Abby sniffled. "I suspected it a couple of weeks ago, but I ignored it until I started getting sick. I tested myself twice – positive both times." She sighed heavily.

"Have you seen a doctor?"

"Not yet."

"Are you sure you don't want to terminate?" One glance at Abby's face told her that was not an option. "Okay. You want to have the baby. What about Gibbs?"

"I don't want anything to happen to him – it wasn't his fault. And an accusation could get him – " Fear sparked in Abby's eyes. "You aren't going to fire him, are you, Director? Promise me you won't fire him or write him up or anything, please!"

Jenny smiled and touched the younger woman's cheek. "No, Abby. I'm not going to fire him – although I would have if you had asked me to." Some of the tension faded from Abby's features.

"Now," Jenny began, standing, "I want you to go home and don't return to work until you've seen a doctor. You can get help for the morning sickness, and you look as if you need some vitamins as well." Abby smiled weakly, and Jenny hugged her tightly. "It's going to work out just fine," she murmured. "Jethro loves you, you know."

"He does?" For the first time that day, Abby's face brightened with a real smile.

Jenny smiled back. "He does."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 2)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: minor for 'Hiatus'

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

Author's note: Thank you for the reviews! :-)

Gibbs and his team were in the field doing interviews for a new case, so the director settled in for meetings and paperwork. But first she called in back-up forensic scientists (it always took at least two to match Abby's caffeine powered work load) and sent Gibbs an email calling him to her office as soon as he returned.

As it turned out, the email was unnecessary. About 1230 Jenny's phone rang. She smiled a little when she saw the caller ID. "Yes, Jethro?"

"Jen, where the hell is Abby? She's not in the lab and she's not answering her cell." His voice was just on the edge of frantic, so she chose her words carefully.

"Don't worry, Jethro, I sent her home sick. You know Abby, she would keep working even if she had avian flu."

His response was a chuckle, and Jenny relaxed a bit. "She's probably got her cell off so she can get some rest. I know you don't like strange forensic scientists, Jethro –"

"No problem, Jen, we have to have someone."

"Are you back yet?" she asked before he could hang up.

"Almost, why?"

"I need to see you in my office as soon as you get here."

"About the case?"

She hesitated. "Not entirely."

"Is it about Abby?" She could detect fear creeping back into his voice. "Never mind, we're here. I'll be up in a sec." He clicked off and Jenny began to prepare herself for the coming confrontation.

Five minutes later Gibbs burst into her office and slammed the door behind him. "Dammit, Jen, what's wrong with Abby?"

For several minutes she gazed at him, until he looked as though in another second he would strangle her.

"How do you feel about Abby, Jethro?"

"You really have to _ask_ that, Jen? I love her like a –" Jenny's arched eyebrow stopped him from completing the lie. "I love Abby," he admitted. "Tell me what's wrong, _now_."

"Sit down, Jethro."

He did so, reluctantly. Jenny took a deep breath and began the story. "Abby told me that she was at your house about two months ago and that you were both drinking. Do you remember that?"

He nodded, slowly, his expression uncomprehending.

"Remember anything else?"

He closed his eyes and reached into his memory. _'Abby laughing, stroking the silver on his temples as he undid her pigtails – her lips, warm and lush against his, kissing him passionately – his hands sliding under her shirt, gently caressing her velvety-smooth skin'_

Jenny heard the almost imperceptible increase in his breathing rate, and watched as emotions she had seen many times before played across his features. "You _do_ remember, don't you, Jethro?"

He swallowed hard and opened his eyes. "I remember something."

"Abby is pregnant." Jenny knew she was being harsh but she wanted to see his reaction.

His mouth fell open. "But we didn't –"

"She says you did."

"I don't remember that."

"Think, Jethro. You were very drunk. She tried to stop you, but you didn't listen."

"No."

"You did. You forced yourself on her." Jenny's voice was cold and unrelenting, but she needed him to remember and this was the only way she knew.

He squeezed his eyes shut again and went back to the earlier memory. _'He slowly removed her shirt, marveling at her beauty – as he continued to undress her he could hear her voice, seemingly far away, telling him to stop – his head spun with desire and he was certain that she wanted him, too -- he was completely lost in the scent, the feel, the seductive charm that was Abby'_

Gibbs dropped his head into his hands. "Oh, God, no. Abbs…" For awhile his shoulders shook as he wept silently. Jenny had to fight the urge to comfort him as she had Abby – she knew that it would only make him feel worse.

He finally raised his head and spoke flatly. "I woke up the next morning on the floor of my basement next to the boat. I had some scratches -- I assumed I had gotten careless with the tools. I knew Abby had been there, but I didn't remember anything except talking to her." He paused, then added, "Actually I had some other vague memories but I thought they were a dream."

"You dream about her often." It was not a question.

"Yes," he replied quietly. "Often." He covered his face for a moment, then stood and looked at her with pleading eyes. "Jen, what am I going to do? If someone else did this to Abby I'd shoot him without a second thought."

"Well, don't shoot yourself, Jethro. Not physically or mentally, either. You can't let guilt destroy you – not this time. Do you know why? Because you have a family now."

He flinched at the word, and his eyes grew distant as he remembered the family he had lost so many years before. When he felt a touch on his shoulder, he came back to the present with a start. "Jen, there's no way that Abby will –"

"She's already forgiven you, Jethro. She made me promise not to fire you or write you up." Moving closer, she said gently, "Abby just wants to know that you love her."

He didn't dare to hope, but maybe –

"What do I do, Jen?"

The Director smiled. "It's time for the big romantic gesture. Now go to her apartment and make it."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 3)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

Author's Note: I love reviews! Thanks to all who have written them! This is a short chapter, but I already have the next one written so it will be up soon.

Gibbs had barely left Jenny's office when she heard a loud 'thump' that rattled the pictures on her wall. She hurried out, fairly certain what had caused the sound. It had happened in the past.

"Agent Gibbs." Her no-nonsense voice stopped him from pounding his fist into the wall yet again, but he didn't turn to face her.

Seeing the agents in the bullpen pretending not to look, Jenny moved closer so she could speak quietly. "Give the case to Tony, Jethro. Take some time off. And remember what I told you."

He finally turned around. "I don't want them to know, Jen. I don't want to talk to them."

"Then let me handle it. I'll tell Tony I put you on leave. He will wonder why but I don't think he'll have the nerve to ask."

Gibbs hesitated, then nodded.

"Promise me one thing, though," she asked as he started to leave.

"What?"

"That you will go to Abby and not to Mexico."

She was pleased when a smile appeared briefly on his lips. "I promise." With that he brushed past her and quickly descended the steps to the bullpen, ignoring the inquiring looks of his team.

Tony, McGee, and Ziva had watched surreptitiously as Gibbs came out of the director's office and took out his anger on the wall. "What's up?" McGee whispered to the other two while Gibbs and Jenny talked.

"Hell if I know," Tony whispered back. "I guess she seriously pissed him off."

"Not the first time," Ziva put in.

When Gibbs started down the steps they looked at him questioningly, but his face was so grim they pretended to focus on work instead. Tony lifted his gaze just enough to see their team leader put away his gun and badge, grab his coat and stalk off to the elevator.

When he was gone, all three looked up. "What was that about?" asked Ziva. "We have a case. He didn't even give us instructions."

"That's Gibbs for you," Tony answered, looking at Ziva and failing to notice the other figure on the steps. "He's well known for –"

"Uh, Tony …" McGee began.

"Agent DiNozzo."

He turned to see the director standing right in front of him. "Yes, ma'm."

"Agent Gibbs is on leave. I'm putting you in charge until further notice."

"I will do my best, Director."

"Thank you." She glanced at the three agents. "I have the utmost faith in this team's ability _and discretion_."

A moment later she was gone again. "Discretion," Ziva murmured. "What did she mean by that?"

"I – uh, I think she meant we should mind our own business," said McGee, "and not try to figure out what's up with Gibbs."

"Damn! You're probably right, McGeek," admitted Tony. "And it's so tempting, too. Well, let's get to work."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 4)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: I just couldn't wait to post this chapter! Let me know what you think, please.

Abby drove home from the Georgetown University OB/GYN clinic later that afternoon, the despair of the morning almost completely replaced by euphoria. Seeing the ultrasound of her developing baby had wiped away all traces of uncertainty. She was so excited that she wished she could do cartwheels all the way home.

The ginger lozenges had already begun to ease the nausea, and she had picked up a bottle of prenatal vitamins at the hospital's pharmacy. Her only regret was Dr. Cornwall's insistence that she give up caffeine – no more Caf-Pow! "I need my caffeine!" she whined to Bert, who was riding in the passenger seat of the hearse. His response was a comforting fart-sound when she poked him.

As she turned into the parking lot of her apartment complex, she wondered where she might be able to find "Abby-style" maternity clothes. There was no way she was wearing those flowery tent dresses! So intent were her thoughts that she completely missed the familiar car parked next to her usual spot. She climbed out of the car, grabbed Bert and her bag from work, and stuffed the ultrasound and the vitamins inside the bag.

_Gibbs had spent several hours driving around D.C., trying to decide how he would approach Abby. Thinking over the last two months, he realized that nothing had changed at work, but she had not visited him at home since that one night. 'How did I not notice?' he asked himself. Her regular routine was to show up at least once a week. Probably he knew, somewhere in his subconscious, why she wasn't there, but didn't want to recognize it._

_Yet another reason for the pangs of guilt assaulting his gut. In spite of what Jen said, he didn't see how Abby could possibly forgive him for such a violation. _

_Halfway through the drive he began to imagine what it would be like to have Abby with him all the time – sharing his bed with her, waking up beside her, knowing she would be there every time he returned from a difficult case. And the baby – he smiled as he pictured Abby heavily pregnant, gripping his hand tightly as the labor pains crashed through her body. Then when he was handed the baby for the first time…_

_His mind betrayed him, flashing a memory of Kelly's birth into his consciousness. He gasped and slammed on the brakes, barely hearing the insistent honking behind him. The pain was severe but he still heard Jen's voice in his head, 'You have a family now.'_

'_I have a family… again.' The thought both terrified and thrilled him. He had promised Jen he wouldn't run away, and what's more, he didn't really want to. He loved Abby far too much to leave her now._

_Despite the fear and the guilt, he had to try._

Turning towards the building, Abby saw the figure leaning against the next car, his expression unreadable. "Gibbs!" she squeaked, dropping Bert and her bag. She wasn't sure whether to be happy to see him or nervous. "What are you doing here?"

He walked slowly towards her, watching intently for any signs of fear in her expression. "We need to talk, Abbs," he said, quietly.

"I know," she whispered, hugging herself and shivering slightly.

"Are you cold?" He stopped about three feet from where she was standing.

"Yes. No. I mean, I don't know."

"The wind is blowing pretty hard. May I give you my coat?"

She recognized that he was being very careful not to cross any boundaries. That meant the director had talked to him. But how did he take it? She couldn't tell. "Yes, please."

He moved closer, still watching her eyes, and held out the coat.

"Will you put it on me?" she asked softly.

"Are you sure?"

Abby knew the question wasn't really about the coat. Gibbs had a way of speaking volumes with only a few words and his eyes. She half-turned and bent down for a moment.

"I'm sure," she said, standing up and handing him the ultrasound. She stood looking at him uncertainly, with her head down slightly and hands clasped behind her.

He gazed in wonder at the image, the arrows marking 'head' and 'arm', the 'A. Sciuto – 9 weeks' at the top. When he finally looked at her again, she could see his eyes were moist. "Abby, I am _so sorry_," he murmured.

"You're sorry?" she asked with a tinge of hurt. "Why, Gibbs? You don't want a child? Or is it me you don't want?"

"No, no, no Abby! That's not what I mean at all." The anguish was so clear on his face that she moved forward and embraced him tightly, tears coming to her eyes.

"Tell me what you mean then," she sobbed against his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around her, laying his cheek on the top of her head. "I should not have done this to you, I should have listened, I'm so sorry I didn't listen…" His voice broke and she could feel his sharp intake of breath, followed by an attempt to swallow the huge lump in his throat.

"Gibbs, Gibbs." Abby pulled her head away from his, then tenderly placed her hands on the sides of his head. "Listen to me now. _I'm not sorry_."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not sorry at all! Do you have _any idea_ how long I have been in love with you? I have kissed you, dressed up for you, joked and flirted, called you 'silver-haired fox', 'wonderful wizard', and 'God' even, and I know you probably thought I was just kidding, but I wasn't. I wanted you so much that night –"

"Then why did you say no?"

"Because you were drunk, Gibbs, and I was afraid that that was the only reason you were doing it. I thought you were just, you know, losing your inhibitions and there was no real feeling behind it. Or maybe it was because you needed a distraction. I would have done that for you if you asked, but I didn't know what your intentions really were, so I –"

"Shh." He pressed a finger against her lips to stop her nervous babbling. "How could you not know that I love you, Abbs?"

"You never told me," she answered, almost inaudibly.

"Well, listen carefully." He pulled her closer, his lips so close to her ear that she could feel the warmth of his breath. "I love you, Abby. I love you very much. I don't want to live without you or our child." He pressed his lips against her ear, then slid them across her cheek until they met her lips. The kiss was gentle and sweet and neither wanted it to end.

Finally Abby pulled away just enough to separate them and said secretively, "Gibbs, you know what?"

He looked puzzled. "What?"

"We're standing in a parking lot."

He chuckled a bit. "Yeah, we are. Should we go inside?"

"I think we should."


	5. Chapter 5

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 4.5)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

"Have you ever wanted to sleep in my coffin?" Abby asked thoughtfully, as they climbed the steps to her third floor apartment.

He chuckled. "What makes you think I haven't?"

She stopped suddenly on the step, forcing him to grab the banister to keep his balance. "When?" she asked suspiciously. "I think I would remember that."

Gibbs grinned, pushing on the small of her back to encourage her to keep moving. "Do you think I didn't try it out before I gave it to you? I had to make sure it was comfortable enough for you."

"Ooooh, Gibbs! That's so sweet! Remind me to hug you when we get upstairs."

"Abbs, believe me, there will be more than hugging. Just a few more steps now." He smacked her lightly on the fanny and she giggled as she unlocked the door.

"Gibbs! I can still kill you --" He closed and locked the door behind him, then took her bag and Bert and set them on the velveteen sofa.

"C'mere," he murmured, and she melted into his embrace. For an eternity they just stood there, feeling the closeness both had wanted for so long.

Finally she stepped back just enough to see the tenderness in his blue eyes. "Gibbs, I love you!" She signed the words then started to move closer again but he stopped her with his hand, causing her to look at him with curiosity but with no fear, he was happy to see.

"Not Gibbs. Jethro." As he spoke his first name, he saluted and simultaneously formed a 'j' with his right hand.

Abby chuckled. "That's not the name sign I use for you with my parents and my Deaf friends."

Amused, he asked, "What _do_ you use?"

With the 'g' hand shape she smacked herself on the back of the head, grinning. He laughed outright. "Well, I suppose I deserve that."

"But now I'll think of a new one. Just for me. No one else can have it."

He smiled, knowing what she meant by that. "You're right, Abbs. No one else can have me but you. And you're mine." He pulled her close again, holding her even tighter than before.

"To have and to hold, from this day forward," she whispered, one hand playing with the back of his shirt collar.

Startled, he raised his head from her shoulder. "Abbs, are you saying you want to get married?"

Did she want to get married? It had been an idle remark, but the thought of being "Mrs. L.J. Gibbs" was undeniably appealing. On the other hand, she would be the _fifth_ Mrs. L.J. Gibbs. Maybe not so appealing. She smiled, a devilish glint in her eye. "Right now I just want the wedding night."

He cocked an eyebrow at her, with a lopsided smile. "How about dinner first? And I want to know what the doctor said, too."

She started to protest and pout, but she _was_ getting hungry. "Take out? I don't exactly look my best, Gi – Jethro."

"Actually, you look amazing."

"Well, I do look better now but you should have seen me this morning." She shuddered slightly. "Ask the Director. What kind of food should we get?" They walked into the kitchen where an ornate brass frame surrounded a black cork board that was almost covered with take out menus. "How about Ravi Kabob? We're early enough to avoid the big rush." He nodded and she picked up the phone. "I'll order. Any requests?"

"Just no lamb brains this time," he said with a pat on her back. She grinned and signed her agreement. He walked into the living area and sat on the sofa, taking out the ultrasound again just to stare at it. A child would be in his life again – _his_ child, which was even more emotionally significant than the children he met in his job. He was still too stunned to really sort out his feelings; he had only scratched the surface so far. The feelings his mind had tried twice to make him forget ran so deep that it would take time, effort, and most importantly Abby's love, to get him through.

Her voice on the phone brought him back; he heard her ordering two types of karahi as well as seekh and chicken kebabs. "Abbs!" he called, returning to the kitchen.

"Yes?" she asked innocently, hanging up the phone.

"That karahi is enough for two or three people by itself. Why did you order two, plus kebabs on top of that?"

She batted her eyelashes at him and smirked. "I'm eating for two now, remember? Maybe three," she teased.

"You mean – did the doctor say --" He couldn't help letting his jaw drop open; a man can only take so many shocks in one day.

"No, Jethro, just kidding. But he did tell me I needed a little more meat on my bones, given my height."

He steered her towards the door. "Tell me everything he said while we're driving."

For awhile she was silent as they drove. He wanted to ask her again, but knew that, like himself, Abby revealed her thoughts only when she was ready. _Of course, once she was ready, there was no stopping her…_ The thought brought a little smile to his face, and he glanced over at her. Abby had a worried look and that ended his smiling. "What's wrong, Abbs?" he asked, taking her hand in his and driving one-handed. "Did the doctor say something about the baby?"

She glanced briefly at him and held tighter to his hand. "Gi- Jethro, sorry, you know that since my parents were both born deaf and I have a deaf sister –"

"There is an increased chance that our child will be deaf or hard of hearing," he finished.

"Yes."

"I know." He said it in such an offhand manner that she turned to stare at him.

"You don't care?"

He parked the car in the lot at Ravi Kabob and pulled out the keys before answering. "I'm not worried about it, if that's what you mean. I'd rather it didn't happen, because the world is not kind to anyone who is different. But look at your parents – look at _you_ – and we both sign –"

"Your signing stinks, Gibbs," she laughed. "You think in English too much."

He just smiled, putting an arm around her and kissing her forehead. "I can get better. I _will_ get better. I have the ultimate faith in your teaching skills, Abbs – just as I do in everything else about you."

Two hours later they sat on Abby's sofa, a bit of tension having fallen over them as they ate. Abby was restless and kept changing position as she babbled on about her vitamin pills and why ginger was good for nausea and the fact that she would probably throw up the next morning anyway and so he'd better be prepared. He knew she was nervous and he was fairly sure why.

"Abbs," he stopped her, in the middle of a discourse on the trials and tribulations of pregnancy.

"Yes, Jethro?"

"We need to talk about what happened."

"What is there to talk about? I forgive you; you know that, right?"

"Yes, but we need to talk it out. Tell me what you remember."

She looked at the floor, sitting knees together and feet pointed in like a child. "I don't want to, Gibbs."

"That's why we have to, Abbs. I know it's hard, but we have to."

She knew he was right. It had to be faced, and it must be done before anything else could happen between them. She thought about how to begin.

He waited, wanting to give her time. Not unlimited time, but some. Finally she spoke.

"Why were you upset that day?" She looked at him straight in the eyes and her cheeks glistened.

He wanted so badly to wipe away her tears and pull her close to him, but this was not the time. "That morning I received an email from one of Shannon's college friends who was trying to get in touch with her, and found me instead. She sent a birthday card."

"It was her birthday? Oh, Jethro, you could have just told me…"

"I could have, Abby? You mean, like you _could have_ told me about Michael Mawher, and you _could have_ told me –" He stopped himself and took a deep breath, trying to calm his anger down. He knew it wasn't really Abby he was angry at.

"Are you angry at yourself?" Her question was innocent and wise at the same time.

"Do ya' think, Abby?" he shouted. He stood up and began to pace. "I have screwed up every damn relationship I have ever been in. If I can't push them away by being distant and hiding in my basement, I walk away. Look what happened when I left Shannon and Kelly. They died, Abby!" She said nothing, just nodded and listened. "Then I go and do the unthinkable – raping the woman who loves me more than anyone else." She flinched at the harsh word, and a tear ran down her cheek, but she kept quiet. "How can I live with myself, Abby? What reason do I have to think that anything will be different this time? Maybe I am incapable of love, maybe I don't deserve love. I'm afraid that I will do the same things all over again and that this will be a disaster just like every other relationship I've ever had."

"Maybe it _will_ be a disaster." She gazed at him thoughtfully, waiting for his response, while he stood there in shock.

He sat back down and took her hands in his. "No, no, Abbs. It won't be. Not for you. I'm not sure what I need to do differently, but I'm going to find out." His voice was firm and decisive again, unlike the uncertainty he expressed only minutes before. "This _will work_, because it's my last chance and I'm not going to blow it. I --"

When he saw her mouth begin to curve into a smile, he realized that she had used his own technique on him. "You got me, Abby. You got me right out of that spiral of guilt. Thank you."

"I learned from the master," she replied, embracing him tightly. "Now, do you still want me to tell you what I remember?"

"Not really," he replied, absently tracing circles on her back. "Wasn't there mention of a wedding night?"

"There was," she replied against his neck. She gently pressed her warm lips against his skin, and he felt the burning of desire almost immediately. "Where?"

"Not in the coffin," he chuckled as he pulled up her shirt so he could touch her skin. "I'm not McGee."

"Guest bedroom, then, my silver-haired fox. You know the way."


	6. Chapter 6

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 6)

Rating: T

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: I kept this tame to be careful about the rating. Future stories will probably be a bit more detailed. ;-)

A/N2: I'm sorry about the frequent changes but I added to this chapter; I just can't stop writing! All the reviews have really inspired me. Thanks everyone!

They took their time walking to her guest bedroom, stopping to kiss and hug at different points along the hallway. By the time Abby opened the bedroom door she had shed her T-shirt and jeans and Gibbs was missing his shirt.

She had quickly realized that he wanted her to take the lead – it was important, at least this time, for her to feel completely in control. Arms around his neck, she pushed him gently against the door and kissed him slowly but passionately, sliding her hands between them to undo his pants. She could feel his excitement and she shivered with the thought of him inside her.

"Cold?" he whispered, leaning to nip at her neck with his teeth.

She moaned in appreciation and murmured, "Not at all." He stepped neatly out of his pants just in time to be pulled onto the bed. Lying half on top of him, she ran her fingers through his hair, taking his lips back a little more roughly this time. One hand traveled down his body, skipping lightly over each place just enough to sensitize the skin.

He could feel the heat and desire inspired by her touch racing through his body. _At least this time I will remember it,_ he thought ruefully. He decided to memorize every detail, just in case something went wrong. He gazed at her darkened green eyes, half-lidded, and her black hair shining as it fell on her shoulders. _So beautiful,_ he thought. His fingertips grazed the tattoos on her neck and shoulders; they played such an important part in the unique Abby look.

At some point it seemed natural that they should both be naked, skin touching skin, no foreign material impeding it. The pleasure was slowly building, but there was no rush; neither one of them was going anywhere. Abby's scent was another uniqueness. She made her own perfume that happened to include gunpowder, and it never failed to tie him up in knots. Sweet and tangy, it was now combined with the exotic spice of ginger and the fruitiness of raspberry hand soap

Her moans and whimpers and sighs only served to send him higher. Gibbs finally turned his head away from her kiss and smiled. "Permission to make love, ma'm?" She giggled and nodded her assent, gasping as they became one, and he no longer doubted that this was right.

It was far too short a time before they were clutching each other tightly and shaking in each other's arms. Abby thought she would have cried if she hadn't known there would be more of that heavenly feeling in the future. "I love you, Jethro," she murmured, already fading from the stress of the day.

"I love you more, Abbs," he whispered, but her slow and steady breathing told him that she was asleep.

He woke to hear her softly sobbing as she lay spooned beside him, his arm around her waist. "Abbs, what is it?" he whispered, reaching up to pull a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I need to talk," she sniffled.

"Okay." He started to pull his arm away but she stopped him, her grip intense on his hand.

"Hold me, Jethro," she pleaded.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby," he murmured, tightening his grip around her again. "Tell me whatever you need to."

She took a deep breath. "It seemed like every other time," she began, "you know, when I go over there and we talk and it's fun, you know, because you loosen up some when you're working on the boat, and plus you usually have a little bourbon… I don't know why I decided to have a bit too. I had sworn off it after that one time when I broke your boat and had _the worst_ hangover of my life. Ugh." She paused a moment, remembering, then continued. "So we both had some, and I was trying to cheer you up, because I knew you were in a bad mood, I just didn't know why and you wouldn't talk about it." There was no accusation in her voice, but he sighed in regret anyway.

"I thought I would distract you by – well, you know, by being me." He could hear a smile in her voice at that point. "I guess I was flirting with you – I shouldn't have flirted –"

"Stop that," he ordered, hearing the notes of guilt creeping in. "Abby, this was not your fault. You know that. You've flirted with me hundreds of times before and I always managed to control myself." _'Though sometimes, not by much,'_ he admitted to himself.

"True." She shook her head slightly, as if to dislodge the guilty thoughts. "So I was flirting with you and probably going a little further than I do at work. We were standing very close together and then you kissed me. I was so thrilled – it was fantastic – I've wanted to kiss you on the lips for such a long time, I couldn't believe it was actually happening. We kissed standing up for awhile and then more sitting on the floor. It was cold on my bum, but I didn't mind because the rest of me was on fire." She stopped for a moment, remembering.

He snuggled tighter against her, waiting for her next words.

"I didn't mind when you felt me up either," she said with a little chuckle, "in fact I loved it. I loved feeling the callouses on your fingers when you touched my skin. I wanted you, Jethro, more than I have ever wanted anyone. It's like the whole time we've known each other was just build-up, you know like foreplay that lasts for years. I was _so ready_… but I guess when it came right down to it, I choked."

"You were scared, Abbs. You had reason to be."

"Yeah. I guess so. I wish I hadn't said 'no', though." Her voice was wistful. "Anyway, when we started undressing I panicked. I could see in your eyes how much you wanted me, but I also could tell how drunk you were. I tried to push you away. I said 'no' three times, and – I think I scratched you, too. Did I?"

He pressed his lips against her neck. "It's okay," he murmured.

"I did, then. I tried to make you stop, but the next thing I knew you were inside me."

"Did I hurt you?" He had to ask, although he feared the answer.

"No, like I said I was more than ready. My body knew what it was doing, it was just my mind that was screwed up. I felt so conflicted, like I shouldn't be enjoying it, you know, but oh God it felt so good and I came like three times."

"You did? Really?"

"Oh, yes. Hard. Twice the first time and once the second."

He raised his head to look at her, alarmed. "The second time? There was a second time?"

"Yes." She twisted her head to look at him, a smile playing around her lips in spite of herself. "You didn't know?"

"Uh-uh. How did that happen?"

"You fell asleep for awhile, laying on top of me. When I tried to slip out from under you, you woke and -- and took me again."

Gibbs winced. "And did I hurt you that time?"

"Well… I was sore. You were pretty rough the first time. Not that I don't like it that way," she added quickly, wanting to be sure he was clear on that point, for future reference. "Just not on a concrete floor."

"So I did hurt you?"

"A little," she admitted. "A few bruises, that's all."

His sharp intake of breath told her she should not have revealed that. "Abby, why didn't you tell me?" he demanded. "Why didn't you tell Jenny, or someone?"

She turned to face him, the tears starting to fall. "Because I love you, dammit! If I had told, you would have been in trouble and I might never see you again! I almost didn't tell even when I knew I was pregnant. I was so afraid you'd be fired. But I thought you should at least have the chance to know your child, especially after what happened to you before…" Sobs overtook her and he stroked her hair gently, whispering comfort in her ear, thanking his stars that a woman like Abby could ever love him.

When her tears slowed, he placed a hand on her chin and lifted her face to his. "Abby – sweetheart – you are so – so amazing, I don't have the words to tell you – to say just how much I love you. But I –"

She shushed him with a finger. "Then don't tell me. Show me."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 7)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: I've decided to remove the chapter in which they go back to work for the time being, because I keep thinking of more events to put in between. I'll put it back when I'm _finally_ done!

The next time he woke his arms were empty and he could hear her retching in the bathroom. He put his boxers on and a moment later he was pulling her hair back with one hand and supporting her forehead with the other. When the nausea subsided a bit she leaned back against the wall. "Okay for the moment?" he asked, receiving a nod in reply.

He quickly took out a washcloth and wet it with cold water to bathe her face, just in time for her to lean over the toilet again. He held the washcloth against the back of her neck and waited patiently.

Finally it appeared that it was over. "Don't get up, yet" he warned her.

"Believe me, I won't," she groaned.

"Where are those ginger things?"

"My bag. I think it's still on the sofa." In a moment he returned with the box and unwrapped a lozenge for her, placing it carefully on her tongue. She sat very still for several minutes, letting it gradually melt, calming her system.

He watched as the color came back into her face and she relaxed. "Feel better?" he smiled.

"Yeah. Who'd have thought Special Agent Jethro Gibbs would be such a good nurse?" she teased as he helped her to stand.

"I have many hidden talents, Abbs. You should know this by now," he replied, nuzzling her neck.

"I do, I do, El Magnifico." He chuckled at her use of the name – one of the many expansive titles she had granted him over the years. "But right now I need to lie back down. And no wake-up sex for you, mister. Not until this crap is over with."

He led her back to the bedroom, tenderly tucking her in with Bert in her arms. "I'm going to go make some –"

"Uh-uh." She held out her hand. "Don't even say it or I will vomit on you, I promise. Plus I can't have any, doctor's orders."

"No Caf-Pow! either?"

"Nope. No caffeine."

"Hmm." He knew what a decaffeinated Abby was like; what about a _pregnant_ decaffeinated Abby? _'I'm in big trouble,'_ he thought, with an incongruous smile. "Can I get you anything?"

"No. Yes! Some saltines and a glass of water. No, wait." She pondered for a moment. "I don't think I have any saltines. I'm supposed to eat a few when I wake up to help with the morning sickness."

"I'll go get some at the grocery down the street. It won't take long."

"Oh, thank you so much, Jethro!" She reached up for a hug and he bent over to meet her arms, ignoring the protests of his back. "I love you!"

"Love you more, Abbs."

On his way to the store he bought a cup of coffee that had a tight lid; hopefully if he kept it in the kitchen she would not smell it. The smell of coffee made Shannon sick too, he recalled. Maybe it was a common problem.

At the store he bought the saltines, as well as some other items like corned beef and rye bread that he usually kept around. He also purchased a bag of her favorite candy. On impulse he picked up a dozen red roses. Her favorite color was black, of course, but her second favorite was red and it seemed more appropriate to the situation.

He unlocked and opened the door very quietly in case she was asleep. To his surprise, when he walked into the kitchen she was sitting at the table sipping a glass of water. "I thought you'd still be in bed," he said, setting the bags on the table and handing her the roses.

"Ahhh," she sighed, gazing at the flowers. "They're beautiful, Jethro – thank you so much!" She stood more slowly than usual and put her arms around his neck, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"There's more," he smiled, pulling out the bag of candy.

"My favorite! You are spoiling me, Gibbs, you realize you are setting a very bad precedent here."

"You mean you'll start to expect it?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"Well, go ahead and expect it, because you're going to be spoiled." He embraced her, kissing her this time on the lips – she tasted like gingerbread. "I've always wanted to anyway."

"And you did, kinda. You know people have complained because you let me get away with things no one else could get away with."

"I knew; scuttlebutt always reached me one way or another. You never seemed to mind," he replied with a smile, sitting at the table beside her.

"Of course not. I liked being teacher's pet. Sort of. Not _technically_ teacher's pet, I guess, because for one thing, you're not a teacher, and for another, I'm not actually a member of your team, but still –"

"Abby," he said, in that gentle but no-nonsense voice.

"Yes?"

"You can't be teacher's pet anymore."

"I can't?"

"No, you'll have to be something else. Girlfriend, partner, lover, what's your choice? Or wife, maybe," he added, remembering their conversation the night before.

"Mother of your child?" she suggested helpfully.

"Nah, sounds too cold. If I introduced you that way, people would think we hate each other."

"I don't know; I think it's kinda cute.." Her brow furrowed with intense thought. "Suppose the Director was introducing us to someone really important. What would be appropriate?"

"Since when have you worried about 'appropriate'?" he asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Since now. It matters, Jethro. Maybe I should stop dressing Goth," she mused. "I don't want to make you look bad."

"Abby." His hand on her cheek turned her to face him. "I don't care how you dress as long as you wear _something_, because if you went naked, I'd be kept busy attacking every man in sight. Don't change who you are because of this. I love the woman that you are."

He saw her eyes glisten and thought that she was about to cry again. It seemed to be a near thing, but she cleared her throat and kissed him. "They'll talk, you know. I don't mean the team. I mean everyone else."

He chuckled. "Ziva, Tony and Tim will talk, too, they'll just be nicer. Maybe. But I don't honestly care what people think, Abby. Have I ever before?"

"No."

"So stop worrying about it. We have Jen's approval, and that's what counts."

Abby nodded with a smile, the special smile she reserved just for him.

"Now, what do you want for breakfast?"

"You don't eat breakfast, and neither do I."

"You do now. Eating for two, remember?" She could see a twinkle in his blue eyes, and she groaned.

"All right, but only if you eat _with_ me, father of my baby."


	8. Chapter 8

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 8)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

Gibbs watched Abby closely as she ate her breakfast of cereal and peaches, hoping that she would be able to keep it down. He noticed that she ate slowly and chewed every bite carefully.

"Are you all right?" he asked, when they had finished.

"I'm a little tired," she admitted. "And I'm getting a really bad headache."

"That's caffeine withdrawal, Abbs. You'll probably get them for a few days. Did the doctor tell you anything you can take for it?"

"Tylenol is okay," she said, rubbing her temples.

"Where?"

"The second cabinet." She laid her head down on the tablecloth and closed her eyes until he laid his hand on her shoulder and kissed her hair.

"Here you go, baby."

She took the pills from him gratefully and swallowed them with the last of her orange juice.

"I think you should take a nap," he said, gently but firmly. "Do you want to sleep in your coffin?"

She stood, embraced him tightly and laid her head on his shoulder. "No, I want to sleep in your arms. Unless you need to go home?" She looked at him, hoping that he would say he didn't.

"Abbs, I'll be happy to hold you while you sleep." He smiled at her, and she realized how much more relaxed he looked than he had the day before. "Anything else?"

"Read me something to take my mind off my headache?" She walked towards a bookcase that was full of forensics journals and glanced through them until she found the one she wanted. "This one has a really interesting paper on new techniques for lifting fingerprints from irregular surfaces such as carpet."

"You can do that? Wow." They walked back towards the bedroom hand-in-hand, fingers interlaced.

"Yeah; it's not easy and it doesn't always work, but it is possible. There's about a 40% chance of getting a partial, and 17% of --"

Gibbs stopped suddenly. "I don't have my glasses, Abbs. How big is the type in this journal?"

"Um –" She frowned, pondering. "Maybe you can just sing to me."

He chuckled. "You don't want to hear that. Trust me." They continued into the bedroom and he arranged the pillows so that he could lean against the headboard and hold her in his lap.

"Pleeeeeease?" she wheedled as she settled into his arms.

He sighed. "Just for you," he whispered against her ear.

"Just for me." she closed her eyes and relaxed against him, waiting.

He cleared his throat. "Uh – from the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli…." His voice was gravelly and half the notes were out of tune, but she appreciated his attempt, and his choice of songs was perfect. She sighed contentedly and on the third repetition, she fell asleep.

Gibbs stopped singing as soon as he heard her breathing slow. A part of him hoped she would never, ever, _ever_ ask him to do that again, but another part was pleased and maybe even proud. He sat watching her sleep for a long time. Just seeing her so peaceful made him feel peaceful too, and he found his eyes closing.

For the second time that day he awoke without her, and he wondered how she managed to get up without him knowing. He couldn't hear anything, so he stood and began looking for her in all the rooms. He eventually found her sitting in her coffin, sniffling, with a box of tissues in front of her.

"What's wrong, Abbs?" he asked worriedly, going to her side.

"Nothing."

"Did I do something?"

"No, Jethro… I don't know why I started crying. I have no good reason for it. I don't understand; I don't cry like this." She shook her head in confusion.

"Abby, do you know much about pregnancy?"

"Only what the doctor told me. I've never really been around pregnant women in my life."

"Well, I'm not an expert, but from experience I can tell you that pregnant women are very emotional."

"Why?"

"Hormones," he shrugged. An idea struck him. "Do you feel like going out?"

"If I can stop crying," she sniffled. "Where do you want to go?"

"How about a bookstore? We'll pick up some pregnancy books and read them together and then we'll know what's going on."

She smiled. "That's a great idea, Gibbs! Only –" She wrinkled her face into a frown. "Most bookstores sell" and she signed 'coffee'.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll have to think of one that doesn't. And I'm going to need my glasses too." He thought for a moment. "Abby, where do you want to live? Do you want to keep your own place?"

Her heart skipped a beat. "Are you asking me to move in with you, Jethro?" she asked hopefully.

He grinned. "Yes, Abbs, I am. It would make more sense, wouldn't it? We could ride to work together, and it would be much more practical to have one place instead of going back and forth."

Her face fell. "Is that why – because it's practical?"

He caressed her tear-stained check and stroked her hair, which was unruly from sleep and crying. "No, that's not why. I want you with me all the time because I love you."

She smiled and turned her face to kiss his hand. "I would love to live with you, Jethro."

After an intimate shower that used all the available hot water, they got ready to leave and rode the Metro to Capitol Hill Books, a used book store. Jethro wasn't convinced there would be any books on pregnancy there, but Abby insisted as it was her favorite bookstore and at least they did not sell that evil drink

To Jethro's surprise, Abby found several excellent and up-to-date guides to pregnancy. He browsed the military history shelves while she checked out with his credit card.

"Your total is $65.83," said the young girl who rang up her purchases, "Your dad must be really nice, buying all this for you."

Abby stifled a giggle." Yes, he is," she stated, "especially since I'm not married."

The girl smiled. "My dad would kill the guy – he's very old school."

Glancing at Gibbs, Abby whispered secretively, "So is mine."

As they left, Abby signed 'thanks, dad' in a fit of laughter. Gibbs, who was carrying the sack of books, looked at her curiously as they walked back to their Metro stop. "What's going on?"

"She thought I was your daughter!" Abby continued to laugh, but Gibbs groaned. He didn't think it was so funny.

They were almost to the Metro when Abby suddenly stopped and turned to him, her eyes shining. "Let's have a picnic!" she exclaimed. "And then drive down to Annapolis for a sail!"

"I don't have a boat, Abbs," he replied, arm around her affectionately.

"All that time spent making boats and you don't have a single one?" she demanded.

"Nope. Burned them all."

"What about the one you're building now?"

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Not gonna burn that one, Abby – not as long as we're together."

"Never, then."

"Never."

Their moment was interrupted by a familiar voice shouting, "Hey, Probie! What are you doing here?"

They turned to see Mike Franks, looking as if he had just stepped off a plane from Mexico. "Your lady director said you were on leave, Probie. What'd you do to piss her off this time?" He regarded Abby with delight, his gaze traveling the length of her body. "Does it have anything to do with this lovely young lady here?"

Gibbs glanced at Abby and she nodded. "It's a long story, Mike," he said. "Have you had lunch?"

"Nope. Let's find a little bar slash café –"

"—but no coffee," Abby and Gibbs said simultaneously.

Franks looked at them quizzically. "I'm okay with that; I wanted a shot of tequila anyway. Know a good place, Jethro?"

"Two blocks away. Follow me."

He and Abby walked hand in hand with Franks on Abby's other side. The older man didn't say much, just absorbed the body language between his friend and the forensic scientist. It was clear there was something special there. Not that this was new to Franks; he had seen Gibbs staring at pictures of Abby in Mexico and heard him scream her name, along with those of his first wife and daughter, when he was caught in the nightmare of the past.

Once they were seated in the café, Franks asked, "So Probie, how long since you snagged this beautiful woman?"

"What?"

"C'mon, it's obvious you two have something going on. I knew you were in love with her back in Mexico. How long did it take him to tell you the truth, Abby?"

Gibbs looked very uncomfortable, while Abby was shocked. "You were in love with me, Jethro? And you still left me? Not nice," she complained, punching him in the arm. "How could you do that?"

Franks reached across and touched her arm. "Don't be too hard on him, Abby; he was in a bad way. It could be that knowing you were here was the only thing that kept him alive at all."

Gibbs stared at his former mentor. "How did you know that, Mike?"

"Trained investigator, y'know." He took a swig of the tequila the waitress had handed him. "Plus, you talk in your sleep."


	9. Chapter 9

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 9)

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: So many nice reviews; thank you very much!

Throughout the meal, Franks continued to watch the couple across the table. He noticed how often Jethro smiled and the fact that his smiles actually reached his eyes. He watched as Abby snuggled close, an adoring expression on her face. Jethro's voice was gentler than usual even when he spoke to Mike, and downright tender towards Abby. Franks couldn't help wondering what had happened to break down his friend's walls so thoroughly.

Then he saw Abby turn green when the waitress passed them with a pot of coffee, and he began to have an idea. He decided to wait until he could speak to his probie alone, though, before demanding a full explanation.

After lunch they drove to Gibbs' house in Franks' car, with a brief stop at Abby's apartment on the way. Abby announced her intention of taking a nap; Gibbs followed her to the bedroom, telling Mike he'd meet him in the basement shortly.

"Are you gonna tell him?" Abby whispered as he stroked her hair.

"Yeah," he replied. "I have to."

"Good," she murmured sleepily, her eyes closing.

Gibbs waited until she fell asleep, then left the bedroom, leaving the door open in case she called to him.

Mike was examining the skeleton of the latest boat when he heard footsteps on the stairs. "Gonna keep it this time, Probie?" he asked.

Gibbs knew he wasn't just asking about the boat. "Definitely," he replied with a half-smile.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it because otherwise I'd have to kick your ass into next week."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, that's right. I'd have to make you see what a good thing you have here." He took a swallow of bourbon and grinned. "So how far along is she?"

Gibbs had been expecting this question. "Two months."

"How long you been dating her?"

"We haven't actually dated, Mike."

Franks' eyes narrowed a bit. "Okay." His tone made it clear he expected an explanation.

Looking his former mentor straight in the eyes, Gibbs said, "I got drunk and took advantage of her."

The next thing he knew he was lying on the concrete floor, his head and jaw aching from the intense blow he'd just received. He reached up and found that his lip was bleeding. A second later Franks kicked him in the side.

"You did _what_?" the older man exploded. "How is it you're still employed – and still in one piece? I could fix that, you know, Probie. Better talk fast or I just might." Franks' anger was barely controlled, his jaw clenched tight, his pulse visible at his temples.

"The only reason I still have a job is that Abby loves me. She begged Jenny not to fire me." Gibbs tried to sit up, but was pushed back to the concrete, hard. He sighed, knowing that he deserved the punishment.

"I would have fired you anyway," Franks grumbled.

"I know, Mike, and so would I."

"And that's not all I would have done. What were you thinking? Why didn't you just tell her you loved her like normal people do? It's obvious she adores you – although I don't see why, considering what a damn bastard you are."

Gibbs sighed, "I know, Mike." He related everything that had happened, starting with the email from Shannon's friend and ending with the previous day's confrontation.

His description of that night in his basement earned him a head slap and a second punch. But the catch in his voice as he talked about Abby convinced Franks that he truly was sorry for what he had done. By the time Gibbs finished, Mike's intense anger was almost gone.

He shook his head, helping Gibbs get up from the floor. "Probie, you don't know how lucky you are."

"No, but I'm learning," Gibbs said with a wry smile.

"Learning what?" called a sleepy voice from the top of the stairs. Gibbs immediately turned and bounded up the steps two at a time.

"You okay, Abbs?" he asked, putting his arms around her protectively.

"I'm great. What the hell happened to you?" She wiped some blood from his lip, looking concerned.

"I'm fine, Abbs – just a little accident." He looked into her eyes, trying to project sincerity, since he could see she was suspicious.

"Well… all right." Abby wasn't really convinced, but she wasn't going to press the issue. "Hey, you and Mike want to watch a movie? I brought some of my favorite horror flicks – I'll pretend to be scared and you can comfort me."

Gibbs smiled. "Sounds good to me, Abbs. What about you, Mike?" He had heard Franks climbing the steps behind him.

The older man smiled. "Whatever Abby wants to do is fine with me." Gibbs frowned at the tone of his voice – more seductive than gallant -- but Abby didn't seem to notice.

"Yay!" She turned quickly and headed for the den, where the TV and DVD player she had bought Gibbs for his last birthday resided.

Gibbs waited for Franks to reach the top of the stairs, then held out an arm to stop him.

"What's the problem, Probie?"

"She's mine, Mike," he growled. "Don't you forget it."

Franks chuckled. "Just because I admire the merchandise, Jethro, doesn't mean I'm going to steal it. Relax. I'm just glad to see you happy. Don't you trust me?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Not with women, no." They walked towards the den, hearing the music of 'Friday the 13th' already coming from the TV.

After the movie and two batches of popcorn, Franks said his goodbyes and soon the two lovers were preparing for bed. Gibbs stood in the bathroom doorway, watching as she removed her clothing piece by piece, stretching as she did so. He had considered taking care of that himself, but voyeurism was more fun, especially seeing her many tattoos revealed a bit at a time.

She was down to her black thong when his reverie was interrupted. "Should I put on my pajamas, Jethro, or are you going to make a move on me?" she asked, a bit impatiently.

His response was swift as he stepped up behind her, pressing his body against her bare back, one hand on her breast and the other drifting lower. "All you had to do was ask, Abbs," he murmured with a smile.

A/N2: Next chapter – more "details" and perhaps an 'M' rating?


	10. Chapter 10

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 10)

Rating: M

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: This chapter is rated M. Seriously. You have been warned!

************************************************

Abby threw her head back, moaning slightly as he found the hardening buds of her right nipple and her clit at the same time. Her knees grew weak and she dipped a bit, pressing her core more tightly against his hand. He bent his head to the unmarked side of her neck, marking it with his teeth – once, twice. Each produced a groan of pleasure from Abby. He sucked at her beautiful pale skin, moving slightly each time, until her entire neck and shoulder were covered with deepening red and purple bruises.

"Jethro!" Abby hissed, her eyes rolling up. She ground her core against him, and he felt her juices gush around his hand; she was hot and swollen. For him. Just for him.

His hand left her nipple, and she gasped at the loss. He pulled her chin down so that she faced the mirror again. "Look," he said hoarsely, "I want you to watch yourself when you come."

Abby wasn't sure if she could manage that, but if he wanted it, she would try. She nodded her assent, knowing that at this moment she was like putty in his hands.

His hand returned to its former location and he pinched her nipple, causing her to cry out as a shock ran straight to her center. His other hand slid up and down between her slick folds, varying the pressure from firm to barely there and everything in between.

"Please, Gibbs," she whispered, squirming, trying to force his fingers inside her. He smiled at her obvious frustration, although his own frustration was making itself well known.

"Wait, Abbs," he whispered in her ear, nipping at the lobe for good measure. This time her cry approached a scream, so he bit again and was rewarded as she screamed his name. He could tell he had teased her long enough. His thumb pressed hard against her nub and with a sudden movement he thrust three fingers inside her velvet depths. She moaned and moved against him, deepening her pleasure, and he saw her eyes start to close.

"Eyes open, Abby," he commanded. She struggled to raise her eyelids, but when her eyes locked with his she realized that watching intensified the feeling. "Yourself, not me," he grinned, and she lowered her gaze slightly to her own face, flushed with arousal. He resumed the movements of his hand, his thumb moving in tiny circles on her clit, while his long, calloused fingers explored every inch of her inner walls.

She heard herself moan, feeling the pressure build slowly but surely. She rubbed her ass against his hardness, and the thought of him inside her nearly sent her over the edge. "Let go," he murmured, "I'll catch you when you fall."

"Oh God, Jethro," she cried, "I'm so close…" He moved his hand faster in response and bent to bite her neck one more time, still keeping his eyes on her. She screamed incoherently, shaking as the orgasm hit and her inner muscles clamped down on his fingers. He saw the raw, primal ecstasy on her face, and noticed with pleasure that her eyes, dark and heavy lidded, were still focused straight ahead.

He rode the waves with her until finally she collapsed against him, limp as a rag doll. "Jethro," she panted, "you are _so_ magic. I told Fornell…"

"Hope you weren't referring to this," he murmured, and she grinned in response.

"No, but it still applies." She was starting to recover her breath, but wanted to lie close to him and feel his skin against hers. "Bed now," she said, looking into his darkened blue eyes.

He half-carried her into his bedroom, pulled back the covers with one hand, and laid her gently on the sheet. She watched as he quickly undressed and took his place next to her, covering them both. They embraced tightly, melting into each other as their hot flesh met. Abby closed her eyes with a sigh. She lay quietly for so long that Gibbs thought she had fallen asleep. His erection was still painfully hard against her, but he knew from experience that he could will it away if he had to.

Just as he had decided that he _would_ have to, her hand moved to grasp him firmly, and he groaned in response.

"Fuck me, Jethro," she purred sweetly.

He hadn't thought he could get any harder than he already was but damn if she didn't know just how to do it. In seconds he was inside her, slamming into her with a force so intense that he wouldn't have done it except he knew she liked it rough. Her hips gyrated against him, pulling him in deeper, then in one swift movement she lifted her legs until her feet rested on his shoulders. "Abby," he panted, sinking into her all the way. "Abby, Abby, Abby…"

"Go for it," she murmured, her eyes closed.

He thrust into her even faster, feeling her begin to tighten around him. "You feel so good, Abbs… so good…"

A scream was rising in her throat as she neared the peak again and this time he joined her in an explosion of pleasure that nearly obliterated his consciousness. "Abby," he said, trying to catch his breath as he slowed his movements. "I love you."

"I know, Jethro," she whispered as she came down from the stars. "I love you too."

**************************************

Gibbs woke with a throbbing headache; Mike's anger from the night before was still with him. Abby seemed to be sleeping soundly, curled up into a ball with the covers half over her face. He smiled in spite of the headache and very, very carefully climbed out of the bed.

After visiting the bathroom and putting on a pair of sweat pants, he headed for the kitchen to get the items he knew Abby would need: a plate of saltines, ginger lozenges, and a glass of water. He set them on a tray and, on impulse, added one of the roses from the vase on the table. A few minutes later, he had successfully placed the tray on the nightstand beside her and retreated from the room.

Gibbs sighed as he prepared his coffee, having removed the coffeemaker to the laundry room where he could close the door. He was glad Franks had taken him to task, as it had helped somewhat with the guilt he still felt. However, he knew there would be more when he returned to work. He didn't want his team to know – he feared the loss of respect that would inevitably result – but there was no guarantee they wouldn't find out. As for Ducky, Gibbs knew that his old friend would never accept a lie. Gibbs wasn't even sure how successfully he could tell a lie in this situation.

He sighed again. He was probably in no danger of getting punched by Ducky, but the verbal tongue-lashing he was sure to receive was even worse. Still, he had felt better after telling Franks the truth. As painful as it might be, telling Ducky might be just as cathartic. He picked up his cell phone before he could change his mind.

"My dear Jethro, where have you been? Are you all right?" The doctor's voice was obviously concerned, not surprising since no one but Jenny knew the real reason Gibbs was gone.

"I'm all right, Duck, but I need to talk to you. Privately."

"I am at your service, Jethro. Where shall I meet you?"

"I'm at home. When can you stop by?"

"I'll drive over as soon as Mother's nurse arrives – wait, there's the doorbell now. I will see you shortly, Jethro."

"Thanks, Ducky." He closed the phone and poured himself a cup of coffee.

Abby could feel herself waking, but she didn't want to, knowing what was likely to happen. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the nausea to stay away. She wished she had thought to get some crackers the night before; now there was no way she'd make it without having to rush to the bathroom.

She slowly opened one eye, experimentally, and her gaze fell upon the nightstand. Then she opened both eyes widely because she couldn't believe what she saw. Her heart melted when she realized Gibbs had taken care of her needs without even being asked.

With a smile, but keeping her head on the pillow, she slid one hand to the plate of crackers, picking up one to nibble on. She felt nauseous as soon as she opened her mouth to put the cracker in, but managed to hold it back long enough to chew and swallow the cracker. _'So far so good'_, she told herself. She reached for another cracker; this one went down well too. Then she opened a lozenge and sucked on it, still without raising her head.

When the lozenge was gone, she tried lifting her head a few inches. The nausea was there, but controllable. She took another lozenge, and when it was half gone she slowly sat up.

She let out a squeak when she saw Gibbs watching her from the doorway. "Jethro!" she protested. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to see that my preparations helped," he grinned, sitting on the bed beside her. "I'm glad."

She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "Me too," she murmured into his chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Abbs. I came to tell you that Ducky is on his way over."

"A case?"

"No, personal. I asked him to stop by."

She nodded her understanding. "You want to tell him."

"Yes."

"Well, at least he probably won't beat you up the way Franks did." At his look of surprise, she added, "Did you think I was stupid enough to believe your 'accident' story? I knew what Mike did, and I would have kicked his ass if not for the fact that you seemed better for it."

"Abby, I deserved it."

"Well – I know you think so, and maybe you're right. In any case, I could tell that it helped you. So I didn't say anything."

"You know, you would make a great agent Abbs; intelligent, deductive, and most important of all, discreet."

She chuckled. "No, thank you. I'll stay in my lab with my music."

A/N: Just one more chapter until they return to work! Stay tuned.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 11)

Rating: M

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: I _thought_ it would be one more chapter, but I think now it will be more.

Abby took a shower while Gibbs drank his coffee in the kitchen, waiting for Dr. Mallard's arrival. When the knock finally came, he called, "Come in, Duck," and the older gentleman let himself in through the unlocked door.

"Good morning, Jethro," he said. "I must confess to a great deal of curiosity regarding your absence; the Director has been less than forthcoming." He glanced at the table and stopped walking, his gaze resting on the vase of roses. "Do you have a secret admirer I don't know about, my dear boy?"

Gibbs half-smiled. "Thanks for coming, Ducky. Actually, I bought those roses for someone else."

"Ah. Is she here now?"

He nodded. "She'll be out soon. Would you like some coffee? We need to drink it quick, if you do."

"Thank you, Jethro, but could I trouble you for a cup of tea?" Ducky sat at the dining table next to the flowers, his brow knitted together as he tried to imagine who his friend was seeing now. Another redhead? He certainly hoped not.

"Sure." Gibbs put the teakettle on to boil, removing a cup and teabag from the cabinet. "What's going on at work?"

"Oh, the usual. Anthony is doing an excellent job leading the team, but nothing seems right with both you and Abigail gone. Have you heard from her? The Director said she was ill, but she –"

"Here I am, Ducky," came a familiar voice behind him, as two arms enclosed him tightly. "I've missed hugging you. And everybody else, too." She took the seat beside him, smiling at his obvious confusion.

Ducky looked at Abby – then at Gibbs – and then back at Abby. "My goodness, I must say I didn't see this coming." The ghost of a smile played around his lips.

The teakettle began to whistle and Gibbs filled Ducky's cup with hot water, handing him the cup and the tea bag. He sat down opposite Abby.

"I don't quite understand, though, why the Director put you on leave, Jethro. And you don't seem ill, Abigail."

"That's why I asked you to come over, Ducky, because we wanted to explain things to you before we return to work."

"Well, I'm honored that you trust me with your secrets. I've always thought it important to –"

"Ducky, I'm having a baby!" Abby blurted out, unable to contain her excitement any longer.

"Abby, my dear girl! I'm thrilled for you!" He gave her a congratulatory hug. "And I assume congratulations are in order for you as well, Jethro." Gibbs nodded, amused. "But how did this happen? I didn't realize you two were an item."

Abby batted her eyelashes at him, leaning against his shoulder. "Ducky, surely by now you know where babies come from."

"Of course, dear one," he chuckled, "I meant, how did you two get together?"

Gibbs and Abby glanced at one another, hands moving in silent conversation enhanced with animated facial expressions. Ducky waited patiently, and a few moments later they seemed to reach a consensus. Abby spoke first.

"Ducky, it's like this. Don't be mad, okay? Gibbs did something he shouldn't have, but it's okay because I forgave him and I want you to forgive him too."

Gibbs could see that his friend was completely confused, not surprising since Abby tended to take a veering approach to her explanations. "Abbs, maybe I should –"

"No, Jethro. Listen, Ducky…"

"I'm listening, Abigail. Take your time."

"Two months ago – I was here, and he was really messed up that day because of Shannon's birthday, but I didn't know, you see, and I would have done whatever he wanted – really, Ducky, you have to believe me – but I didn't know and so when we were drunk, I – he – oh, God," she covered her mouth and bolted for the bathroom.

The doctor's expression was puzzled as he turned to face Gibbs. "Jethro, can you explain what Abby was trying to tell me? What is it that I'm supposed to forgive you for?"

Gibbs sighed. "Abby was trying to tell you that I forced her to have sex with me."

A mixture of fury and disgust erupted on Dr. Mallard's face, and for several minutes, he looked away from Gibbs, trying to calm himself enough to speak. Finally he stood. "Jethro," he said flatly, walking towards the door, "I can never forgive you for that."

Abby returned just as the door closed. "Where's Ducky?" She noticed that Gibbs had his head in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. "What did he say to you?" she demanded, sitting down next to him. "This is why I wanted to tell him myself, Gibbs. I knew he would get all overprotective and upset…"

He raised his head and she could see moisture in his eyes. "Abby, he didn't do anything I wouldn't have done. If Tony had attacked you –"

"You didn't attack me, Gibbs! Stop saying that for God's sake!" Tears were streaming down her face as she beat her fists on the table. "Why is everyone getting so weird about this? I am not sorry! I wanted you, I've always wanted you!" Abby jumped up and ran, sobbing, to the bedroom where she pulled the sheets over her head and pounded the pillow until her hands hurt.

Gibbs sat still and silent for a long time, his mind numb. When the ability to think finally crept back, he reached for his cell phone and dialed Ducky's number. But all he could get was voice mail, and after three tries he gave up and went to check on Abby.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 12)

Rating: M

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I love and appreciate them!

As Ducky drove towards his Reston, Virginia home, his thoughts whirled and his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He had been angry and disappointed with his friend before, but never had his feelings been so strong. A part of him absolutely refused to believe that Jethro would do such a thing. But Abby was pregnant, there was no denying that. And there was only one way to get pregnant, barring medical intervention.

His lips twisted momentarily into a bitter smile. He recalled the day he had to bring his mother to work with him – she had boldly asked him if he had slept with Abby, and suggested that they do so quickly and give her a grandchild. Ducky had been embarrassed by this, and felt uncomfortable around Abby for awhile thereafter.

Now she would give someone else a grandchild, and not by choice, either. His anger intensified again and he slammed a fist on the wheel of his car.

'_I forgave him and I want you to forgive him too'_

Her expression had been worried; her voice nervous. She knew Ducky too well to think he would just accept the situation. Still, she must have believed that he would listen to what she had to say and give Gibbs a chance. Why? What chance should he give to someone who had had betrayed them both so thoroughly?

'_I would have done whatever he wanted'_

If that were true, then why did Gibbs say that he forced her? Ducky recalled the look of sorrow on his friend's face. Perhaps Jethro was being overly hard on himself – it wouldn't be the first time, after all. Ducky found himself turning somewhat reluctantly into a car park where he could turn around. Even if he continued to be angry with Gibbs, he owed it to Abby to listen to her. If nothing else, he should be there to comfort her. But she was at Gibbs' house; how could he speak with her privately?

Remembering the phone calls he had received a little earlier, he picked up his mobile and dialed her number.

***

Abby was sleeping lightly when her phone rang, and she answered after the first ring without looking to see who it was.

"Abby Sciuto."

"Dear girl, I was wondering if I could speak with you alone?"

"You _are_ speaking to me, Ducky."

"I meant I'm returning to Jethro's house, but I'd rather not see him. Can you let me in when I get there?"

"Of course. Thank you for coming back, Ducky. I knew you wouldn't go off and leave me."

A stab of guilt tore through his heart. "Yes… I'll be there in a few minutes, Abigail."

"Great, call me when you get here. Bye, Ducky." She jumped up from the bed, silently praying that this time it would go better. She knew she had to tell Jethro and ask him to stay away while she talked to Ducky. As she expected, he was in the basement, but he wasn't working on the boat. When she opened the door she could hear him speaking.

"Yeah, Jen…. I know, but I…. no, you _don't_ understand! How could you? You've never been in this situation and what's more important, you're not me!... Yes… I know." He became quiet for a few moments, and Abby wondered what Jenny was saying to him. Or if she was saying anything at all; he could have hung up on her.

Just when Abby had decided that the latter was the case, he spoke again, sounding very weary. "I will, Jen. Thanks." She heard him groan softly; this was her cue to appear.

"Jethro?" she called, slowly walking down the stairs.

"Abbs?" he responded in that same weary voice.

"Ducky's coming back. He wants to talk to me by myself. Do you want to stay down here?"

He shook his head, wincing slightly. "No, I'll be tempted to listen. I'll go for a drive."

"Are you drunk?" she asked frankly, noting the half-empty bottle of bourbon.

"Nope."

"How about going for a walk instead?" she suggested, not sure she believed him. She expected him to put up a fight, but instead he shrugged his shoulders.

"All right. Call me when you're done." He pushed past her, or rather tried to; she stopped him long enough to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Promise you'll come back?" She was a bit fearful about his intentions, having seen him with a similar look in his eyes just before he went to Mexico.

He embraced her quickly, regretting the thoughts he had been having. "Abbs, I won't leave you. I promise." He caressed her cheek gently, then signed 'I love you' as he climbed the steps.

***

Fifteen minutes later Abby and Ducky sat across from each other at the dining table. "I'm sorry I left so abruptly, my dear," he told her quietly. "Jethro was very blunt about telling me; it was almost as if he wanted me to be angry."

"Maybe he did." She told him about the previous night and Mike Franks.

"Hmm, now that you mention it I did wonder what happened to his lip."

"Yes." She hesitated. "He really loves me, Ducky. I'm not saying what he did was okay, because it wasn't, but I trust him. He made a mistake but I'm willing to give him another chance. One mistake doesn't make a bad person. Haven't you ever made a mistake?"

He sighed. "Not like this one, my dear."

"Will you at least try, Ducky? For me?" He looked up and saw something that looked like fear in her eyes. "The last thing he needs right now is to be condemned by his friends. I'm so afraid he'll run away again. Will you help me?"

"I'll try," he agreed.

"Thank you!" She stood up and walked around the table to hug him from the side, pressing her cheek against his. "I'll just call him."

"Abby, wait –" he called, but it was too late. She had already left the room to grab her cell phone.

A scant five minutes later the door opened and Gibbs appeared. He remained expressionless, but Abby could tell from his eyes that he hadn't expected to see Ducky still there. "Dr. Mallard," he murmured, nodding formally.

"Jethro, that's not necessary. Abigail explained her feelings to me and I agreed to give you another chance."

Gibbs half-smiled; he wasn't sure what to say so he said nothing.

"But I _would_ like to remind you that there are certain protocols involved in courting young ladies. I remember once when my second cousin Stewart made an unpleasant discovery while dating…"

Abby grinned, knowing that the wounds, though deep, would heal.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 13)

Rating: M

Spoilers: none.

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I am very sorry about the delay, but I'm finally moved in and getting settled! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. The latter part is definitely adult ;-).

After Ducky left, Gibbs went downstairs to practice the hobby that always calmed him – building the boat. He thought that Abby would probably join him, so when 15 minutes had passed he climbed back up to make sure she was okay.

He quietly looked around the corner that led to the living room and spotted her hunched over her laptop, her legs curled up beside her on the couch. The half-smile on her face let him know there was nothing wrong; she was simply giving him a chance to have some alone time. Reassured, he returned to his sailboat, which was now to be named "Abigail".

Some time later he heard the clatter of pots and pans, followed shortly by the delicious aroma of rosemary and balsamic vinegar. He smiled at the boat and began putting his tools away. He walked carefully up the steps – normally they creaked, but he knew the secret to keeping them quiet. Peeking into the kitchen, he was amused to see her wearing a 50's era red-checkered apron and humming to herself as she moved around the room stirring one dish and sprinkling something on the next one.

He sneaked up behind her, hand poised to slap her rear, when suddenly she whirled to face him, brandishing the wooden spoon like a knife. "Oh no you don't, mister!" she exclaimed. "If you haven't noticed, I'm cooking your dinner. No sneaking!"

He assumed an innocent expression but his eyes danced with joy. "No? How about tickling, then?"

"No, no!" Abby laughed as she tried to get away from the hands aimed at her sides, her most ticklish spot. In the process she decorated both of them, as well as the floor, with rosemary vinaigrette sauce. Fortunately it had cooled before it touched them. They danced around the kitchen for several minutes, and Gibbs laughed more than Abby had ever heard him laugh. Finally he cornered her and his hands found their mark. She collapsed in a fit of giggling, which only began to calm when she developed the hiccups.

"See what you did? You made me (hic) get the hiccups! Now what are you going to do (hic) about it?" she demanded.

"Well, let's see. If you were willing for me to sneak up on you I might scare them away."

She gave him a withering look and he shrugged, with a little smile. "At least I could help clean up this mess."

"Help?" she snorted. "You're (hic) going to clean it up by yourself. I've got chicken and other goodies (hic) that need _my_ attention." While Gibbs wiped up the floor, Abby checked on the chicken and found that it was done. The side dishes weren't quite ready, so she turned them on low to complete their cooking. She still had the hiccups, which was quite inconvenient for her plans. She knew a home remedy which involved a spoonful of sugar, holding her breath, and drinking a glass of water. Even though she knew there was now scientific basis for such things, she decided to try it.

It worked. She took the towel from Gibbs, placed it on the counter, and wrapped her arms around him. Their lips met by mutual agreement and they held the moment, prolonging the gentle kiss for as long as possible.

Several more kisses followed. There was a reason Abby had turned the other dishes on low!

Finally she pulled away just a little and said softly, "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, but not for chicken," he grinned. It was a cliché and they both knew it, but that didn't matter.

Abby chuckled. "How about chicken first and me later?"

"Is that a promise?"

"You bet."

They served their plates and sat down next to each other. During dinner they ate quietly, sometimes holding hands, because Gibbs was an old-fashioned gentleman in many ways. When they each had eaten most of the food, Abby spoke up.

"I don't think we should tell the rest of the team what happened," she stated, pensively licking her fork.

"No? Why not?"

She turned to face him. "There's no benefit in telling them, and in fact it could break them apart. And it's not just any team; it's the best team NCIS has."

"But they deserve to know what kind of person their leader is," Gibbs protested.

"That's just my point, Jethro. You did a bad thing. You aren't a bad _person_. There is a difference."

"I don't see the difference," he replied quietly.

"I know you don't, and lots of other people don't, either. That's why they don't need to know – because they may overreact to this one thing you did and forget all the other wonderful things. That might change their view of you as a person, which wouldn't be good for them or for you. Us."

"Abbs –"

"Jethro, answer this one question: will you ever rape me again?"

He stared at her for several moments, shocked that she used the "r" word. Then he reacted to the actual question. "God no, Abby! I don't want to hurt you in any way. I _won't_ hurt you. You have my word as a Marine."

Abby smiled and her eyes sparkled. "See? You _are_ a good person. Good people sometimes do bad things. I myself have done many bad things, but I'm still a good person, and I love you very much."

"I love you more…"

Abby giggled in response, which gave him the opportunity to take her in his arms and kiss her with all his heart. His mind thrilled at the thought that this lovely, quirky woman loved him. He still couldn't really believe it, but her love warmed him in places that had been frozen for a very long time.

The kiss grew more passionate and he began to think he would have to sweep away the dishes and take her right there on the dining table. But right before he did, she broke the kiss.

"Let's clean up, then we'll decide what to do next."

He raised an eyebrow, trying to calm his desire. "Oh, I feel sure we can think of something!"

***

They worked in silence, just comfortable being together. When the kitchen was almost clean, Abby asked, "Do you remember the SWAK?"

"Yeah, I remember it. Wish I could forget."

"Well, according to scuttlebutt, while you all were taking showers, you admitted to receiving a box of Honey Dust for Christmas."

"Huh. Is this scuttlebutt named DiNozzo?"

Abby tried not to laugh. "Possibly."

"It's true. But it was a postal mix-up."

"So you've never used it?" She looked at him innocently.

"I didn't say that." He worked hard to keep his face and voice expressionless.

"You _have_ used it!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands.

This time he chuckled. "Didn't say that either."

"Yeah, right. Still got any?"

He set aside the towel and appeared to think. "Maybe. Give or receive?"

"Both!"

"Now don't get greedy, Abbs," he grinned.

"Hah, you love it and you know it."

He didn't answer that declaration. Instead he asked, "You done with that pan?"

"Done enough."

Finger to his lips, he took her hand in his and led her up the stairs to the bedroom. She watched, intrigued, as he began searching through the dresser. Finally he found what he was looking for – an oval box and a long, fluffy feather. Turning around, he held the items out questioningly.

The smile on her face threatened to split it apart. She took the Honey Dust and said peremptorily, "Strip."

He started to protest, but she quickly added "Please?"

As he complied, he noticed that she was unable to keep still, shifting from one foot to the other and twirling the feather in her right hand. Her eyes gazed appreciatively at every inch of him that was newly displayed, and she bit her lower lip to prevent herself from touching and tasting too soon.

Abby's obvious eagerness only added to his own arousal, and he rapidly finished undressing. He looked to her for further instructions.

"Lie on your back," she said, her voice at once gentle and ravenous. She licked her lips at the sight of his erection standing firm and tall, just waiting to be taken into her mouth. But not yet, not yet. They would both have to wait because she was going to take this slow.

She knelt on the bed beside him and ran the feather from his fingertips to his shoulder, giving his entire left arm a light dusting. He couldn't help twitching a bit as she sucked each of his fingers in turn, then left a trail of kisses up his arm to his shoulder, which she decorated with a bright red hickey. He wanted desperately to rip her clothes off – it didn't seem fair that she was fully dressed while he was naked – but that would have been against the rules of this game. He couldn't touch as long as he was the receiver.

She dusted his lips and gave him an intense kiss but didn't allow him to deepen it. Next she moved to his muscular chest, making patterns with the feather, then following them with her lips and tongue. His moans became more pronounced, and she smiled. She gave particular attention to his nipples.

Abby knew where he wanted her to go next, but it wasn't time. She bypassed his swollen cock and moved to his thighs, giving them a good dusting and swirling the feather almost but not quite to his balls. He groaned and thrust his hips upwards, hoarsely breathing her name.

"Shhh, love. Not much longer." She carefully trailed her tongue on the tops of his thighs, then began kissing and nipping at his inner thighs, coming closer and closer to his most sensitive areas. Finally she took the feather, slowly coated it in Honey Dust, and barely touched it to his balls and cock. She shook the feather over them, then took one of his balls into her mouth, licking and sucking it.

"God, Abby," he moaned.

She moaned in response, very aware of the wetness gathering between her own thighs. Attention was given to his other ball, then she placed one hand on each of his hips and ran her tongue up and down his cock, feeling it pulse and jerk against her. She took the head in her mouth, flicking her tongue against the tip, and Gibbs almost lost it right then.

"Abby, please."

She started to make a teasing remark, but he was irresistible. She lowered her head to take him in her mouth as far as she could, moving up and down in time with the thrusts of his hips.

Suddenly he reached down and pushed her head away, then pulled her up to his level and flipped her onto her back. She raised up her skirt and pushed her panties out of the way, breathing heavily. She gasped as he entered her, chanting "Fuck me, Gibbs, fuck me."

He did so with abandon, holding her tightly and kissing her passionately. In just a few moments she began to keen her pleasure, shaking against him, her inner walls contracting to heighten his own sensation and send him over the edge, shouting her name.

Time passed as they lay in each other's arms, completely satiated. As she felt herself drifting off to sleep, she murmured languidly, "Next time I receive."

"Mmmhmm." He kissed her on the cheek, then nuzzled her neck before he followed her into sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 14)

Rating: M

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: Thank you again to all reviewers

Three days had passed at NCIS; Gibbs was still on leave and Abby had not returned either. Although McGee was the one who said they should mind their own business, he had worried constantly, trying to figure out what was going on.

The fact that Abby disappeared – 'sick' according to the Director, but not answering her phone – at the same time as Gibbs had remained a thorn in the back of McGee's mind. It was a constant irritation which finally came to the surface.

"What if Abby's in trouble?" He blurted out his thoughts, looking around at the others with wide eyes.

"What are you talking about, McProbie?" asked DiNozzo, most of his attention directed to the BOLO he was typing.

"Abby didn't show up on Tuesday, right?"

"She was here but the Director sent her home sick," Ziva corrected.

"No one saw her, though, except Director Shepard. The point is that she hasn't been here since last Friday, other than possibly a short time on Tuesday after the 3-day weekend. Later on Tuesday, Gibbs went home on leave after some sort of confrontation with Director Shepard. What if there's a connection?"

"What if there is, McGee?" Gibbs sat down at his desk as usual, a smile playing around his lips.

"Uh – Boss – I, I'm sorry about that, I was just – "

"Worried," Ziva stated, earning a grateful glance from McGee. "Is everything all right?"

'_All right?'_ he thought. _'Try fantastic!'_ He couldn't resist a real smile. "Well I'm back, aren't I?"

"Now I know something's wrong," DiNozzo muttered. "Gibbs is actually smiling."

He was saved from having to defend that remark by the 'ding' of the elevator. A familiar voice rang out. "Hey guys! Did you miss me?" Abby bounced towards them with a fair approximation of her usual vigor – a combination of vitamins, happiness and plenty of sleep in Gibbs' arms had greatly increased her energy level. McGee, DiNozzo, and Ziva welcomed her with hugs. To their surprise, Gibbs didn't move.

"Gibbs, Abby's back," Ziva pointed out.

"I know," he replied, still smiling.

Abby danced – there was no other way to describe it – towards him and he stood to embrace her, kissing her slowly and thoroughly. The team members stood frozen, unable to process what they were seeing.

"Everything okay downstairs?" Gibbs asked, his left arm around her waist as he brushed back a stray hair.

She made a face and groaned. "I hate strange people in my lab! They never put things back and they mess with my babies. Major Mass Spec was _not_ happy." She sighed, laying her head lightly on his shoulder, one hand on his chest. "I guess I'd better get used to it though."

"Why?" asked McGee, finally getting his vocal folds to cooperate.

She turned to face them, her eyes shining. "Because in the summer I'll be out on maternity leave, McGee." She kissed Gibbs once more. "Be careful, Jethro," she whispered. With that she was gone, leaving Tim, Tony, and Ziva in shock. For several minutes they just stared, alternating between Gibbs and the elevator.

"What?" Gibbs almost yelled, the amusement in his eyes putting the lie to his gruff voice. "Don't you have work to do?"

"Yes, boss."

"On it, boss."

"Yes, Gibbs."

Above them, unnoticed, Director Shepard leaned on the balcony and smiled. "I'm proud of you, Jethro," she murmured to herself, before turning to enter her office.

A/N2: There will be one more "dusty" chapter. ;-)


	15. Chapter 15

Title: I'm Not Sorry (chapter 15)

Rating: M

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :)

A/N: This has been such a fun story to write! I am grateful to everyone who reviewed and gave me suggestions on how to improve. This is dedicated to you! (unless you don't care for smut, in which case this chapter does not exist. ;-) ) (but read the A/N2 at the bottom for info on what happens next!)

****

Abby wasn't quite sure how they ended up in the shower together later that evening, but she wasn't complaining. She giggled as Gibbs soaped each of her breasts in turn, paying particular attention to "those tricky undersides".

"Stop, that tickles!" she squealed, swatting ineffectually at his hand. His other arm had a firm grip around her waist.

"Really?" said Gibbs innocently. "What about here, is this ticklish?" His hand now skipped lightly along her abdomen, obviously heading south.

She grasped the roving hand tightly. "Jethro! We're supposed to get clean in here, not have sex."

"Why not do both?" he asked, his soapy fingers getting away from her hand and landing directly on her clit. She changed her mind as soon as he began stroking her, and slid her own hand to grasp his erection.

"Well, you do present a good argument," she agreed, palming the head firmly.

He groaned, unable to speak further, and simply dedicated his energy to their mutual pleasure.

Later, they toweled each other off and walked, unashamedly naked, into the bedroom. As she brushed her hair, Abby heard a drawer opening and asked absently, "What are you doing, Jethro? You aren't getting dressed, are you?" Her tone of disapproval indicated that she would not be at all happy if he did.

"Nope."

"Then what – oh!" she exclaimed, as she felt the light touch of a feather along her back.

"Yep, your turn," he said, the smile evident in his voice. "Lie down on your stomach."

Abby set down her brush and complied, dark hair fanning out across her tattooed shoulders. A thrill passed through her as she waited for the first touch.

For several moments Gibbs' eyes wandered her body, just enjoying the sight of her.

She squirmed. "Gi-i-i-ibs," she whined, reaching up to twirl her hair.

He slapped her ass, hard, and she jumped at the jolt of lightning that ran straight to her core. He smoothed Honey Dust over the reddened skin with his palm, then began to scatter it randomly from her shoulders to her knees. He pondered where to begin. Moving over her, he leaned to lick and nip at her shoulder blades, producing loud moans from beneath him. The Honey Dust was sweet but her flesh was sweeter; her hair smelled of roses, sawdust, and gunpowder.

Abby's breathing quickened and she wriggled, arching her body towards him, eager for more.

"Easy, Abbs," he admonished, caressing the gorgeous cross tattoo before licking his way along each line of ink.

"Oh, God," she groaned. "Jethro…."

With every sound she made, he grew just a bit harder, and when she squeezed her thighs together, his erection nestled between them, he slapped her ass even harder than before.

Abby just giggled.

In response, he moved down to her thighs, brushing his lips against the inner, more sensitive area before nipping at the outer edges. After some time he could tell she was getting impatient, so he slid his tongue upward along the space between her thighs. She jumped and moaned loudly as he barely grazed her center with his lips, causing a tingle to run up her spine.

His tongue marked a lazy trail along the smooth skin of her buttocks, while his fingers danced along her hips, lifting her slightly. Without warning he bit down hard, and she cried out appreciatively. "Jethro, you're torturing me," she moaned.

He smiled against the small of her back, his tongue barely touching as it dipped slightly into the cleft below, then traced circles on her back.

Abby trembled beneath him. She could feel the tension rising deep inside her, pushing her close to the edge although he had not even touched her most sensitive areas.

Gibbs sensed her high level of arousal – his own seemed about to burst – so he balanced himself and pulled her hips towards him, bringing her to hands and knees, his throbbing cock pressed against her wetness. Without preliminaries he plunged himself deep inside her.

Abby gasped, almost falling to the bed from the exquisite pleasure. But his hands held her firmly in position. She rocked her hips backward in time with his thrusts – once, twice, and she was spinning dizzily in waves of ecstasy so intense she almost blacked out. "Jethro – oh – my – Jethro," she panted.

His cock swelled even further as she contracted around him, and he could tell he was close. He found her clit with one hand and massaged it the way he knew she liked. Before she had recovered her breath, they blissfully climaxed together.

Completely spent, both collapsed onto the mattress. Gibbs rolled off then pulled her onto her side, spooning his body protectively around hers.

For several minutes they simply breathed.

He snuggled his face against her neck, ignoring the slight tickle of her hair. "Abby," he murmured.

"Mmmhmm?" she mumbled.

"I'm not sorry, either. I mean – I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm not sorry for the results."

Abby smiled and raised his hand to her lips, kissing the rough knuckles, then sighed contentedly. "I know exactly what you mean."

~finis~

A/N2: If you don't already know, Gibbs and Abby's baby is born in "Resolution", co-written with lunarcaterpillar. It is also a Tiva story with a case, but there is plenty of Gabby excitement and emotion, plus one of the team finds out the truth of how Abby got pregnant.

This is going to be a series, FYI. ;-)


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